Nannies and their role in our Children's lives

In earlier times, upper middle-class families employed 'ayahs' to help bring-up their children, while our mother’s raised us single-handedly, without any help whatsoever. But times are different now, since parents have a lot on their platter, and both mothers and fathers are working - it seems useful now to have a nanny to help out and assist or help the parents to take over, when they are back from work. I completely respect the ideology behind keeping a nanny but it should be restricted to the role of an individual 'assisting you', while you bring up your child.

When my son was in pre-kindergarten, they were asked to do an exercise of drawing their favorite person, and a lot of kids had drawn their mother, father, brother, sister, grand-parents. But it was disturbing to see that a few of them had drawn their nannies and drivers, probably because they were the ones who were actually listening to what the children had to say and spending quality time with them. 

The quantity of time doesn’t matter; it is the quality of time. If you are on your phone and sitting with your kid in the same room for about an hour but there is no social engagement, you are not spending quality time. But you get back from work and spend an hour with your child playing a board game or just having a conversation would be defined as spending quality time. 

It is unfortunate to see children completely being taken care of by their nannies. They are the ones who are taking calls and making decisions for your children about food, clothes, etiquette, social skills, and language skills. That is because they are the ones who are spending ‘quality’ time with them.

The role of nannies should be that of assisting you in taking care of your child. You lay down the instructions as to what needs to be done and to what extent. Let the nanny not replace your role as a mother. The nanny should not in any way come in the way of your relationship with your child. Respect the nanny but boundaries need to be drawn firmly. However experienced, expensive or qualified she might be, the nanny will never treat your child like her own and of course why should she? You would never treat someone else’s child like your own.

It is frightening to hear so many stories about nannies ill-treating the children when their parents are away and some children are too small to even communicate what is happening? I agree that we need nannies to help out, but what is the point in going to work and spending a lump sum of money on the nanny when you have no surety that your child is safe. Traumatic incidents can leave ever-lasting scars on the minds of our children. Keep nannies but always be there to supervise. 

It is well know that most of the cases of sexual exploitation involve perpetrators known to the child rather than strangers. In 2016, it has been surveyed that 94.8% rape cases saw children who knew the perpetrator. Knowingly fully well, that this statistic is so high, would you want to leave your children with a plausible perpetrator? 

There are so many cases on the internet where nannies have given children cough syrup so that they go to sleep or that a four year old jumped out of the window because the nanny was busy doing something else, a three year old was exposed to her nannies intimate scenes with her boyfriend and another 6 year old was sexually abused by the house help.

Age 0-3 is very crucial for a child’s brain development, social and language skills, so if the parents are not available to the child during this crucial period it can lead to various developmental problems in the child. Your children can pickup abusive and unacceptable behavior from the house help without you even realizing it. Some parents are even on a guilt trip and compensate by giving their child materialistic possessions as they don’t have time to be there for their child emotionally. Here are some useful tips to follow if you have a nanny:

·        Install a cctv camera in your home which is hooked up to your phone, so that you can keep checking on your child.

·        Drop in unexpectedly when your nannies are around so that you can check on what is happening in their lives in relation to the nanny.

·        Ask your neighbors to check in on the nanny with an impromptu visit.

·        Pay attention to your children and listen to them. Talking to them may help you ascertain if there is something unusual.

·        Plan play dates for your kids and check with the parent whose house your child is going to if the nannies seems ok.

·        Get a police verification and keep a copy of all id proofs of the nanny.

·        Check the nannies social media account in case of any strange pictures or strange activity.

Your child’s safety is of utmost importance, so we need to be cautious with our precious    little babies.                                           

I would lose my mind if I had my kid call the nanny, mommy – Toni Braxton