Do you say No to your child often enough?

Many parents these days seem to over-indulge their children by giving them material things or anything and everything a child’s heart desires, just to keep them happy. But this becomes a vicious circle, and every time you give into a child's demands, the or she values things less, is careless of the gifts received, desires more and more, and is never satisfied. 

The child become self-centered and whines every time it wants some thing and feels that the only way it would get something is by whining and not doing any hard work. These children have problems adjusting with their peers and don’t care for others' feelings; all they think about is their own needs.

Children are used to instant gratification these days and are always told how good they are and intelligent they are, how smart they are, gone are the days when children know/taught how to respect their elders. These children thus end up feeling entitled to everything around them and expect everyone to give them that feeling of entitlement and when someone doesn’t they break down.

But parents should definitely say 'no' to their children, as and when required, especially when they want something materialistic. We need to make our children realize that one needs to work hard if we want anything in life. As parents we aren’t here to cushion our children from the common stresses of life, as it makes them handicapped.

 Children who get everything they want are maladjusted and don’t know how to handle stress as they lack life-skills like hard work, perseverance, dedication, self-control and discipline; they feel that they can whine their way through any situation. We are actually helping our children by saying 'no'. We are there to provide them unconditional love and affection, direction and guidance and of course give them material things if they deserve it and have earned it.

 I am not saying that don’t indulge in your child once in a while; indeed, we should, because we want our kids to be happy and lead better lives than ours, but we should do it with restraint, for example on birthdays and festivals. Children whose parents have never said 'no' to them end up emotionally unstable, and have higher incidence of depression and becoming reclusive and antisocial. We want our kids to be equipped with the necessary skill-set to survive in the world today. Children whose parents say 'no' when required, get better grades, handles stress better and are more social.

A lot of parents think that they don’t want to stress-out their children and upset them, so they fear saying 'no'. But unfortunately such parents are upsetting the moral equilibrium of their children, who may then start valuing material over people and emotions. Say 'no' to your children, but explain to them why they can’t always get what they want and that they would get what they want, if they work hard for it.

There are days when my 5 year old gets very demanding and wants a toy or art supplies when we go to the shop.  I ask him if he really needs and that papa works so hard for a living and that we should not waste money, initially this was met with a lot of resistance but with repeated explanation every time he understood.

 I also teach him the importance of giving, as he was much younger he didn’t want to part with clothes, shoes which were small for and not age appropriate.  With kids, action talk louder than words ,so i would give out clothes and food to the underprivileged kids and try and involve him. He gradually began to realize the importance of giving and that it was more fulfilling even at such a young age. We as adults ,need to teach our children to be compassionate and kind.

                                                                         

Parents: it’s okay to say “no” to your children, they won’t explode - anon