How important is 'Me' Time?

I have realized that if I have spent some part of the day doing something that I enjoy doing, I come back more refreshed and energized and I am mentally and physically rejuvenated to take better care of my child, family and home. We Indian mothers generally seem to neglect our own needs in lieu of taking care of our family and home. We put ourselves last in the list of our own priorities. It’s not our fault; this is how our society has conditioned us. There is so much talk about feminism and equal rights for women but we have a long way to go. In the past, men went out to work and women would take care of the children and the home. 

Years have gone by and it’s still the same, except that women have taken a bigger share of the 'work'-pie, they go to work and also take care of the family and home. Such stress is leading to fertility problems in women and many women are choosing to have children later because of their careers, and this creates more difficulties for procreation. Men pretend to be feminist but don’t actually do much to help. There are exceptions of course and things are changing for the better, but we women still have to multi-task. I am not claiming whether this is right or wrong - all I am saying is that if women put themselves first and take good care of themselves, they would be able to multi-task better, and do justice to the other roles in their lives.

I am not asking you to be self-centered and go to the other extreme; don’t make your family or home suffer. I am asking you to spend some part of the day and do what helps you grow as a person and fulfills you from within. I know that in the past I have ignored going to the parlor or spending time with my girl-friends because of a guilty feeling that my child is too small and needs me.

But your child will always remain small in your eyes even if he turns 20. But on the days when I have indulged myself, I felt that I am a better wife, a better mother and a better homemaker and have not been so irritable and cross with everyone; I am the best 'me' that I can be. Do what makes you happy; if going to work makes you happy do that and you come back home much rejuvenated. But all of this requires time management and asking for help.

I am such a 'hands-on' mom that I have difficulty asking anyone for help; I feel that I would rather do it myself and whenever I have taken help, I end up feeling guilty that I should have done it on my own ! But there is no guilt in asking for help from your family members. Ask your husband to take the child to park while you can have a long bath, which it is impossible to have with your toddler trying to break the door down, when you are inside. 

Go out on dates with your husband even if it is a two hour window period between feeds, and let the grand-parents baby-sit; this gives everyone an opportunity to bond and of course lets you have a much needed break. While your child is naping you can make a trip to a parlour or get a lady to do your beauty work at home, get a massage, take a shower, get some exercise. This helps you rejuvenate yourself. Doing this also helps you take better care of your child and prevents your getting overwhelmed and stressed. You should never feel guilty about the choices you make in life - since you have made these choices yourself, you should never have any regrets or sorrow the about the consequences and about what you could have done, but didn’t do.

You need to remember that you are a person too and you need to nurture your hobbies and talents and do something for yourself. I have a friend of mine whose 4 year old son walks into the house and told her that he told the teacher that he wants to grow up to be a mom. My friend questioned her son further and to her shock he said that he thinks his mom sits around at home and does nothing at all. You children should see that your life doesn’t only revolve around them as they start to become more independent. 

Mom can’t always be available. Even though you want to hold on to every single moment of their upbringing and cherish everything since this time won’t come back but let’s face it your babies will soon move out and have lives of their own, they will always love you but their lives wont revolve around, so it’s great to keep a balance from the beginning. It’s better not to forget to work on the person you want to eventually become.

 A little time away from your kids can also make them miss you more and they will value the time you spend with them more, if you are always in their face they will surely take you for granted. We are always pushing them to better themselves and become the best versions of themselves-I tell my son that all the time. We need to set an example, by doing something that will make them proud. We always boast about our kids and feel very good when they do well and are good at something , so similarly we should take up a hobby or nurture our talents so that they have something to feel proud about and in the process want to emulate our actions.

So in the process, we should take up activities which fulfill us and make us really happy. Kids also follow suit and do what makes them happy too.

    Don’t worry you are not the first mom whose ever thrown a towel over the peed- on sheets and come back to bed - Anon