The world has all sorts of mothers – mothers who have to
go to work, mothers who want to go to work and some who choose to be
'stay-at-home' moms, but everyone including friends and relatives needs to be
less judgmental of us moms. Every mom knows what is best for her kid and takes
care of them as best as she can. So a little less judging and a whole lot of
loving is what we need.
I decided to continue working till the very end of my
pregnancy, I was fortunate that I could do so and I thought it would keep me on
my toes and keep my weight down, but I still gained 20 kilos despite all my
efforts. I took my maternity leave when I was full term as I would get rude
remarks like 'are you planning to have your baby at work'? I wondered why
people wouldn’t mind their own business. In 2012, we could get only three months of
maternity leave, unlike now, with the amended Maternity Bill of 2016, which
allows six months.
So naturally I had thought in my head that I would rejoin work three months after my baby comes, as I was due for a promotion soon. I had a supporting family at home who would take care of my baby while I was at work and takeover from them when I got back. Everything seemed perfect. I had it all figured it out in my head, and the difficult part of carrying the baby for 9 months was almost coming to an end. I would ignore the statements made by experienced mothers and relatives who would tell me that the difficult part was yet to come. I was not going to be a stay-at-home mom and spend my life raising my children.
I had always been an excellent student and perfectionist at work, I couldn’t let all of that go to waste. I wanted to be a successful brand manager but life had other plans. Unfortunately women’s biological clock and career clock always seems to overlap, and we are forced to make choices in life, which our significant-halves don’t have to. My baby was born and its crazy how I was overwhelmed with emotions and love for this little creature I had never met and that’s when the roller-coaster of sleepless nights, diaper changing and of course breast-feeding began, and trust me it was extremely difficult initially. I wasn’t getting the perfect latch, my breasts felt sensitive. The baby had to be fed on demand and I wanted to sleep at least for four hours at a stretch, without having to wake up.
My day would go by and I probably lost all sense of time between feeding the baby and checking if he had enough WET diapers during the day. I had decided that I would breastfeed my baby for three months and then of course start formula after that, since that is how my mother had brought us up, and we grew up just fine.
So naturally I had thought in my head that I would rejoin work three months after my baby comes, as I was due for a promotion soon. I had a supporting family at home who would take care of my baby while I was at work and takeover from them when I got back. Everything seemed perfect. I had it all figured it out in my head, and the difficult part of carrying the baby for 9 months was almost coming to an end. I would ignore the statements made by experienced mothers and relatives who would tell me that the difficult part was yet to come. I was not going to be a stay-at-home mom and spend my life raising my children.
I had always been an excellent student and perfectionist at work, I couldn’t let all of that go to waste. I wanted to be a successful brand manager but life had other plans. Unfortunately women’s biological clock and career clock always seems to overlap, and we are forced to make choices in life, which our significant-halves don’t have to. My baby was born and its crazy how I was overwhelmed with emotions and love for this little creature I had never met and that’s when the roller-coaster of sleepless nights, diaper changing and of course breast-feeding began, and trust me it was extremely difficult initially. I wasn’t getting the perfect latch, my breasts felt sensitive. The baby had to be fed on demand and I wanted to sleep at least for four hours at a stretch, without having to wake up.
My day would go by and I probably lost all sense of time between feeding the baby and checking if he had enough WET diapers during the day. I had decided that I would breastfeed my baby for three months and then of course start formula after that, since that is how my mother had brought us up, and we grew up just fine.
I changed innumerable pediatricians before I found the
right one who wouldn’t over-medicate and would respond to all my queries on whatsapp.
But sure enough he dropped a bomb on me when I asked him when I should consider
bottle-feeding and he told me in a very terse manner that it is a taboo to
bottle-feed and that I need to invest in my child’s health and my health as
well.
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The bond with my baby kept growing stronger, the feeling
was so surreal, and you suddenly become this over-protective mommy. I knew
nothing about mommy-hood and there was never a crash course to teach you what
to do and what not to do. You step into this journey feeling anxious and unsure
of yourself but sure enough, you seem to know what needs to be done….it is
purely instinctive.
As time goes by you seem to enjoy every moment you spend
with your baby. You seem to get into the groove of it. From bathing time and
grooming your baby to feeding time, nap time, reading time and park time.
People tend to question you - so what do you do all day at home? So when do you
plan to join back work? I want to tell them it’s not my decision; it is till my
baby needs me.
Also this is a lot of work as well, except we don’t get appreciated for it, and we don’t get paid for it. But watching your baby grow and reaching milestones, molding them into good human beings and teaching them life skills is satisfying for mothers in itself. But the choices we make in whichever circumstances are purely ours, whether to go out to work or stay at home.
Also this is a lot of work as well, except we don’t get appreciated for it, and we don’t get paid for it. But watching your baby grow and reaching milestones, molding them into good human beings and teaching them life skills is satisfying for mothers in itself. But the choices we make in whichever circumstances are purely ours, whether to go out to work or stay at home.
The choice of not going to work and breastfeeding your
baby or the choice of going to work and pumping/formula feeding your baby is
completely yours. We are in a constant dilemma to make a choice. Both
situations have their pros and cons. But whatever choice a mother makes, nobody
should judge them whether the baby is breast-fed or formula-fed, all KIDS eventually turn out fine, whether the mother
is a stay-at -home mom or a working mother.
The problem today is that we have access to too much information. Too much information also makes our mind continuously evaluate whether we are making the right choices for our children. We should stop stressing about what other people think and make choices for ourselves. We should have no regrets as to how we bring up our children. We do the best we can, in whatever capacity.
The problem today is that we have access to too much information. Too much information also makes our mind continuously evaluate whether we are making the right choices for our children. We should stop stressing about what other people think and make choices for ourselves. We should have no regrets as to how we bring up our children. We do the best we can, in whatever capacity.
I know plenty of working moms who have
breast-fed/formula-fed their babies for 6 months or more and have eventually
gone back to work. Their kids are taken care of by the supportive grandparents
and the mom takes over when she is back. Guilt is a horrible thing. We feel
guilty if we go to work because at work we are thinking that maybe we need to
be home with our baby, and at home we feel guilty that you are there for your
baby but just taking care of your baby is “apparently not work”.
Stay-at-home moms have to justify why we need to be at home and take care of our baby and working moms have to justify why they are at work and not at home, taking care of their baby. There is always a dilemma in both the cases. The perfect situation would be carrying your baby to work till the time your baby needs you and if your work-place permits it. But in life we never have a perfect situation; we have to work with what we have. Like they say 'when life gives you lemons you make lemonade'. I feel that a mom should do what her gut tells her to do whether it’s staying at home or working; you should do what you want to do not what others think you should do. We get swayed by what others say, or the standards they set of a ‘perfect mom'. There is no such thing; all of us live life in trial and error. We learn as we move forward.
Stay-at-home moms have to justify why we need to be at home and take care of our baby and working moms have to justify why they are at work and not at home, taking care of their baby. There is always a dilemma in both the cases. The perfect situation would be carrying your baby to work till the time your baby needs you and if your work-place permits it. But in life we never have a perfect situation; we have to work with what we have. Like they say 'when life gives you lemons you make lemonade'. I feel that a mom should do what her gut tells her to do whether it’s staying at home or working; you should do what you want to do not what others think you should do. We get swayed by what others say, or the standards they set of a ‘perfect mom'. There is no such thing; all of us live life in trial and error. We learn as we move forward.
I don’t have a “9 to 5”, I have a when I “open my eyes to when I close my
eyes” – anon.
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