The Good the Bad and the Ugly of Technology

Our lives are so fast-paced these days that we find it difficult to keep our children always engaged with something constructive. So during our multi-tasking phases we succumb to our children’s demands and let them watch ample television or give them the ipad. It is okay to do this once in a while, but not all the time. We need to restrict childrens' screen time. Children need to learn to entertain themselves, learn to introspect in their solitude, and come up with creative ways to keep themselves busy. 

They should not watch mindless television and play games on their ipad which restrict their learning curve and creative process. Children at 6 months of age know how to use an ipad and the phone. Before they turn two they are so proficient that they know more than most adults. The brain of a child develops at an accelerated pace between 0 to 5, and even though genes play a role in deciding their IQ and EQ but it is also the environment and how we nurture them. Use of technology with children has its upsides and downsides.

 Times are changing and we live in a world where everything is governed by technology. Children do need to be exposed to technology but for a restricted amount of time. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children above the age of two should not be exposed to more than two hours of screen time in a day. But you cannot have a blanket rule for all age groups, as children grow older and their needs and wants vary with age.

Children - 18 months and under

This age category shouldn’t to be exposed to digital media; not only is it not good for their eyes but it also unnecessarily over-stimulates them. You would rather talk to the child or read a book. But doing a 'Facetime' or 'Skype' call with a relative is highly encouraged because it helps develop social skills. 

Digital media at this age can affect behavior and interfere with sleep-wake cycle. It’s important for babies and their primary care-givers to maintain eye contact for better brain development and bonding. Screen time causes disconnect between children and parents.

Children - 2 to 6 years old

These children should not get exposure to digital media for more than one hour per day. It is better for them to be involved in physical activities and activities which enhance socialskills, improve gross and fine motor skills.  Obesity is a major problem prevailing in a lot of countries and watching mindless television and having no physical activity adds to this existing epidemic. 

Even if your child wants to work on the ipad, download applications which support and enhance their learning process. A lot of children play video games which cause changes in their behavior; some children show symptoms of aggression, low attention span, irritability, mood swings. On television, the child should watch educative programmes and cartoons, where the language and content is suitable for kids to watch.

Children - 6 years and above

Children at this age have time divided between school time, at least one hour of physical activity, social and emotional interaction, homework and sleep time. All this time put together would be about 20 -22 hours so the remaining time can be used for screen time. Time spent online for homework or studies should not be included.

Most of these screen devices like television, mobile phones and tablets all emit electromagnetic radiations which are harmful for children’s brains and their eyes. Studies have suggested that prolonged exposure to these devices may put children at a risk of certain types of cancers.

Disadvantages of too much screen time:

a)     Sleep deprivation : all gadgets from television, ipads, tablets emit blue light from the screen which confuses the body that it is daylight and the child is wide awake at bedtime and hence gets less than the requisite number of hours of sleep, and has behavior problems, performs poorly at school, lethargic, lacks decision making skills.

b)    Obesity: Kids spend less time being physically active as they spend more and more time being glued to the TV or ipad. Eating in front of the television causes them to eat more than usual; this causes children to gain a lot of weight.

c)     Vision problems: staring at the screen for too long cause’s vision problems.

d)    Lack of social skills: kids who spend a lot of time in front of the screen prefer not interacting with other kids their age due to limited face to face contact with people.

e)    Aggression: Kids who play lot video games, especially violent games end up becoming physically violent.

Tips to reduce your child’s screen time:

·        Set a screen time limit: either fix it to only on weekends/ half an hour a day.

·        Make meal time : Family time

·        Make your bedroom screen free

·        Set a good example yourself

My son never showed interest in any cartoon up till he was about 4.5 years old because I never encouraged screen time. If he wanted the ipad I would encourage working with applications which challenges him mentally. He watches 'YouTube' videos, which are age appropriate and cartoons, where the language and content is suitable.

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do – B. F Skinner

                                                                                                                                                                    

Is your child reading enough?

It is very important to expose children to the world of reading at a very young age. You can start with picture books; pictures visually stimulate infants, introducing them to a myriad of colours, shapes and objects. I started reading stories to my son when he was a year old; I started with the 'Ladybird Series' (Level 1). 

When he was about 20 months old and could correctly formulate sentences, I would ask him what he thought about the story and the characters and when he was about 3 years old, how could we end the story differently? Try asking your child open ended questions that would spark creativity and encourage curiosity.

When you read to your child, first and foremost it improves your child’s attention span and focus ,it also improves his or her listening skills. The child listens to the way you enunciate words and that helps the child with pronunciation and also increases their vocabulary. By reading out to them we instill in them the ability to think, create and analyze, as also help them master the language. They begin to enjoy reading and it ensures that they value reading and make it a habit to read when they grow up.

My son started reading when he was just four years old, when we started with three letter words and then graduated to bigger words and then of course to sentences. We started with phonic sounds on the ipad with a free app called 'Starfall', which teaches the child the sounds of all the alphabets in an interactive way. Then we graduated to four letter words and then a blend of words, and for this I used books called 'Funny Phonic Series' which was very helpful. I down-loaded 'sight-word' lists which the child needs to know as these words do not follow the rules of phonics.

 Then we started with 'Ladybird Keywords', 'Peter and Jane' books. By the time he was 4.5 years old he was very proficient in reading complete passages. 'Comprehension Books', 'Level 1' published by Scholars' Hub was helpful in adjudging if he comprehended everything that he was reading. The benefits of reading are manifold.Then we started doing exercises where we played games like 'Rolling Tales' to help him create his own stories. I would tell him to recollect stories which he had heard before. This helps in improving communication skills, builds confidence and ignites imagination.

I have compiled a list of books that should be read out to your children before they start reading:-

·        'Ladybird' books, Level 1 and 2.

·        'The Very Hungry Caterpillar', by Eric Carle.

·        'Gruffalo' and other titles, by Julia Donaldson.

·        'Room on the Broom', by Julia Donaldson.

·        Books by Dr Seuss.

·        'Harold and the Purple Crayon', by Crochet Johnson.

·        'My First Book of Bed-time Stories', by Miles Kelly.

  Books to help them, start reading on their own:-

·        'Funny Photo Phonics' (Blake Publication).

·        'Keywords' in 'Peter and Jane Series', A, B and C (Ladybird).

·        'Phonic First' books, 1-6 (Hunter Calder).

There are many ipad applications which help children with phonics:

·        'Starfall' app.

·        'Read Aloud Bedtime Stories' app.

·        'Kidophonics'.

Benefits of reading for your child:

·        Reading helps children absorb knowledge in all aspects of life

·        Exposure to reading enhances child’s brain activity and language skills

·        Reading enhances imagination, creativity and concentration

·        It is a great hobby

Tips to encourage your child to read:

·       Read to your child everyday

·       Give your child reading material which is in sync with their interest and capability.

·       Make videos of your child’s reading and show it to your child to boost self esteem

·       Praise them for their effort in reading

·       Create a cozy reading nook for your child to read

·       Make your child join a book club or start one of your own, where children sit and read together and discuss their stories with each other.

My son is now 6 and loves to read Enid Blytons , Roald Dahl, Geronimo Stiltson and Mary Pope Osborne, especially stories with pixies and trolls. They best way to encourage your child to read is to ensure your child has a good reading environment at home, he sees other members of the family reading and discussing what they have read.

A child who carries a book with a bookmark in it is at two places at the same time – Tony Abott

                                                                                                                                                                    

                  

                          

Post Partum Depression : our hidden foe

Just the other day a friend of mine called, she was hyperventilating on the phone, all the crying had made her voice croaky that I was having a hard time comprehending what she was trying to say. She was a couple of blocks away so I told her to calm down and that I would be there in a couple of minutes. It was 5 am in the morning and everyone at home was still asleep. 

I told my husband the state of affairs and that I would be back before the sun came up. I rang the bell and my friend opened the door, she looked like she hadn’t bathed in days or combed her hair. Her clothes were as disheveled as the house was and she was crying loudly like a banshee. I tried to ask her what had happened, if she had had a fight with her husband But she just kept crying inconsolably. 

I couldn't wrap myself around what was happening? Her husband was travelling and her in laws were in another city, she had recently had a baby girl who sleeping  in her cot. I made her a cup of tea and told her to sit down. I gently massaged her back and combed her hair which I had a hard time doing as it was matted with god knows what. I forced her to go bathe and helped her change into fresh clothes. She smelled a lot better now and wasn’t crying anymore. Then I gathered the courage to ask her once more what had happened and she told me she could put her finger on it. 

She told she just felt like crying all the time, didn’t want to bathe, get dressed or take care of her baby. Initially I thought that the lack of sleep and the new role as a mommy was making her behave like this. I told her maybe her new lifestyle had made her overwhelmed and that we should go see a doctor. But as I delved further, her symptoms and behavior matched what I had read many years ago. The symptoms all matched but I wasn’t sure.

 I took an appointment for the doctor the very same day and he examined her and spent 15 minutes asking her all sorts of question and he said it ,”Ma’am, you have post partum depression but you needn’t worry, 11-12% new mothers suffer from it  .” He said he would put her on anti- depressants and all would be under control. She felt reassured and she began her treatment. The effect of the medication wasn’t instantaneous, it would take a while for the medication to have it affect but I could already she that she was feeling a lot better.

There are so many women who suffer from post partum depression and they don’t even know it. But there are signs and symptom all around us which we chose to ignore, it could affect anyone of us. If you feel any of the symptoms mentioned below you need to get help.

·        Feeling that you can’t care for your baby or do chores

·        Trouble bonding with your baby

·        Feeling sad, empty and lonely

·        Loss of interest in romance , food or anything which did interest you in the past

·        Crying for no reason

·        Sleeping too much

If you have been diagnosed with post partum depression you can do the following to help to handle the symptoms:

·        Exercise daily

·        Surround yourself with people who care

·        Do the things which make you happy

·        If you are able to then breast feed your child

·        Take a break

·        There is no harm in asking for help

Post partum depression happens about three weeks after to give birth to your baby, but the best part is that treatment helps almost everyone suffering from this form of depression. Don’t hide and help yourself by going to a doctor. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!

We need more women willing to say “I’ve been there and I’m here, you can always talk to me without judgment - anon

What are the 20 Healthy Habits of Highly Effective Children?

We should teach our kids good habits from a very young age because they carry these qualities for life. You need to set a good example as your children will follow whatever you do. Habits become second nature with regular practice. 

1)Practice what you preach - Try being encouraging and affectionate while teaching your child good habits. Good habits take a child a long way. Good mannered children grow up to be good mannered adults.

2)   Teach your child to eat healthy – explain to your child the advantages of eating healthy at a very young age and they will follow that for life and it will benefit them in the long run.

3)    Teach kids about cleanliness – teach them about keeping their surroundings clean not just their room but the environment. They should be taught not to litter.

4)    Teach them how to value money – give children pocket money and teach them save it as use it wisely. Let them make purchases with their pocket money and teach them not to overspend.

5)   Teach them about punctuality – teach them the importance of time and how we need to plan ahead of time so that we reach our destination in time. Be on time for everything whether it is school, a birthday or a doctor’s appointment.

6)     Teach them how to be kind and courteous – your child should learn how to say thank you, sorry and please. They should know how to respect elders. They should not interrupt an adult and wait for their turn to speak. They should not grow up feeling entitled but humble. They should learn to care for their siblings.

7)     Sleeping on time – they should learn that they need to sleep and explain the reason to them as well. Children need to follow a strict sleep schedule to replenish their energies so that wake up feeling fresh and rejuvenated for the next day.

8)   Learning to share – teach your kids the importance of sharing so that they don’t grow up being self centered. Read them morale stories which teaches them how to share.

9)   Read every day – the habit of reading is very important even when you are an adult because it ensures that you are always learning something new every day.

10)   Teaching them to respect everyone around them – they should respect all the people around them – the help at home, the newspaper man, the vegetable seller etc.

11)   Working hard – we need to teach kids that there are no short cuts in life and harwork always gives you results. It may seem slow and boring at first but in the long run it is really helpful.

12)    Maintaining hygiene- bathing everyday and washing hand before every meal.

13)  Teaching them not to bully - we need to communicate to our child that bullying is not acceptable, in both cases whether your child is bullying or being bullied. Communication is the best during this period.

14)  Treating everyone as equal – they need to be told that everyone is equal whether someone is from a low socio-economic group or affluent.

15)   Teach them not to harm birds, animal or any life form – teach them to be gentle and cruel to every living being.

16)   Doing their own chores – it is a great life skill, teaches them to be responsible adults.

17)    Teach them not to waste food – tell them there is someone less fortunate out there who cannot afford even what they are wasting.

18)   Teach them to be well turned out and greet their elders and peers – they need to keep their nails clipped and hair clean, clothes should be ironed and shoes polished. They need to greet whoever they meet with a” good morning” or a “good evening.”

19)    Teach them the importance of being social – and that they should find good company and learn good things from people.

20)     Teach them to say no to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol – they should know right from wrong and so that they can make an educated choice when they are adults.

We need to keep communicating to our children. There are innumerable times when my son is so absent minded that he forgets to wish anyone he meets and I have to keep reminding but one day this will become a habit and will come to him naturally. I make it a point that I am consistent and replicate the same behavior. I can’t expect my child to greet others if I don’t do so myself. We have to repeatedly keep telling them and not to get disheartened and most of all be patient with them.

Early bedtime routine needs to be inculcated early because once the kids are older, they will resist any kind of new routines – Reema Sahay

Should you let your child get bored?

You feel like a bad parent when your child says that he or she is bored. In today's world, we respond to a kid’s boredom by technological entertainment or structured activities. But this is actually counter-productive. Children need to delve and learn how to keep themselves occupied in the unstructured time they get. They need to learn to amuse themselves. 

Unstructured time helps them get in touch with their creative side. This time is there for them to follow their own passions and find their calling in life. This time may lead them to make a fort out of clay, compose a song, and observe ants on the sidewalk. Most kids who are given unstructured time, rise to the occasion, but those who aren’t able to come up with something to keep themselves busy, implies that they have too much screen time.

 Children need free play and need to come up with their own games. When they say they are bored, we as parents need to stop doing what we are doing, and listen to them or involve them in our work. You can also ask them what they would like to do, or which fun or creative activity would they like to be involved in. Let them come up with ways to bust boredom. Or you can write down your own boredom-busting ideas on slips of paper, put them in a 'bust your boredom' bag and then let your bored child pull-out a slip and follow the boredom-busting suggestion written on it. Or choose what he or she wants to do, like :-

·        Draw a picture.

·        Read together.

·        Make your own comic strip.

·        Make a doll house out of a shoe box.

·        Play 'minute to win it' games.

·        Entertain your kids with nothing more than a cardboard box.

·        Play silly charades (eg, Santa Claus on a tropical vacation, or a monkey 'trick or treat').

·        Bake pancakes together.

·        Play treasure-hunt or hide and seek

You can come up with your own innovative games, to avoid feeling like a bad parent or your child being exposed to too much screen time. Sometimes just letting your child be, helps spark creativity and helps them find their passion.

There are days when my son wakes up in the morning when he has school and he says he is bored, initially I would think of a zillion things that we could do and suggest things to keep him entertained and busy. I would often even forgo the work that I have just to ensure that he shouldn’t get bored.

 It’s always the guilt that you are not being a good mother. But don’t be, a good mom should let her child get bored and mom have lives too you know.

He was so used to his school routine which keeps them involved with some form of activity or the other that they forget to disconnect, sit calmly and just think without any external stimuli or activity. Now when he says he is bored  or gets anxious that he has nothing to do ,I tell him to sit on his ‘thinking chair’ and just think or tell him wear your ‘thinking cap’ and day dream for just 5 minutes and then you come up with something we can do. He is now more at ease with himself and comfortable with his own company.

Benefits of letting your child get bored:

·        Boredom makes children creative – because think of ways to keep them busy and you don’t have to suggest what they need to do.

·        Boredom gives time for parents – you don’t have to wait for your child to go to asleep to have some lone time with your partner.

·        Boredom keeps them motivated – when they are all grown, you can’t be always around to keep them busy with educational activities.

·        Boredom is good for the psychological well being – they dont fear being on their own and sitting still and not always being on the move. Some adults feel uncomfortable when they are not always occupied with some task at hand. Children need to learn to be at ease and comfortable on their own and not always bombarded with external stimulation.

As Dr Vanessa Lapointe puts it “Children need to sit in their own boredom for the world to become quiet enough that they can hear themselves. Its only when we are surrounded by nothing that something comes alive on the inside. The constant stimulation of today’s reality makes arriving at that place of stillness really challenging for a lot of kids." 

"Screens are everywhere and become a mind-numbing outlet. Scheduled programming abounds, and worse, we feel that our kids need to keep up, just because we register them in all of that programming. School demands are significant and increasingly leak out of the school hours into the home hours. And 'busy' has become the new 'cool' - almost like there is an unspoken message to all of us that you have worth, only if you are busy. Children need to sit in their own boredom in order to arrive at an understanding of who they are. Boredom is the pathway to drive and ambition.”

I love it when kids tell me they are bored. As if the lady in front of the sink full of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time - anon