What type of mom are you ? the Tiger mom, Elephant mom or the Guerilla mom?

There are various styles of parenting and we all knowingly or unknowingly fall into a particular category or a blend of two or more styles of parenting. Its better to aware of which style your are following so can ensure that your child does suffer any dire consequences of your actions.

We have all heard of Amy Chua who introduced the concept of the Tiger mom. She brought up her daughters with the adage that “my love for my child is conditional and I will only love them if they meet my expectations and are good at everything.” A lot of parenting experts have criticized her for her approach to upbringing. The feel it would eventually lead to mental instability, depression and suicidal thoughts in children. 

But apparently she proved everyone wrong, her kids today are high achievers and both are studying Harvard with many accolades to their name. Achievement triumphs over happiness. Amy Chua is also author to the book“ Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom” and says that she would tell her daughter to perfect a piece of music by the next morning and would threaten to sell her doll-house piece by piece if expectations weren’t met. 

The upside is that these children achieve a lot very young in life, but are truly not happy and burn out very soon. The incidences of suicide are also high in these children when they become young adults. To further elaborate ‘Tiger Parenting' is a style of parenting where the parent is a disciplinarian and believes that their child should excel in every field, even though that may be at the cost of robbing him or her of their childhood. These children lead solitary lives and are always studying or learning music and are mostly involved in such-like introverted activities. They have no social life or friends. These parents want their kids to be over-achievers, even if it makes their children unhappy. Below are 7 signs that you may be a Tiger Mom.

·        You want nothing less than perfect A’s in everything even if it makes your child unhappy.

·        You threaten your child often in case they don’t meet your expectations.

·        You interfere with every decision they make.

·        Your parenting only revolves around activities and not each other.

·        Your kids aren’t sure you love them for who they are.

·        You say things to your kids which can be hurtful.

·        You are don’t ever bend rules and are continuously watching and hovering around your child somewhat like helicopter parenting.

Elephant style of parenting is when you are overprotective of your child for all aspects and don’t let any environmental factor stress them. Blogger Priyanka Sharma-Sindhar recently wrote a piece for the 'Atlantic' journal, titled “Being an ‘Elephant Mom’ in the Time of the Tiger Mother,” which takes a look at the softer side of parenting while challenging the tough love parenting approach, which writer Amy Chua discusses in her book.

 An 'Elephant Mom' is the opposite of a 'Tiger Mom'. She is always present for her child, cushioning him or her from any stress, nurturing her child without any boundaries or structure. She lets her child be a child in the true sense and lets it be happy and lets them make mistakes and it is ok. 

Such children grow up to be who they want to be, since these moms give them the flexibility to be themselves; but since there is no structure and discipline and these kids are cushioned from all the stresses of life, they don’t know how to handle pressure and succumb to their situation easily and often need parental intervention even as adults. This style of parenting came hamper the child’s development of life skills like independence and being self sufficient and the child is always looking for the parental guidance and does not know how to cope with stress. Here are 9 signs that you maybe an elephant mom.

·        You let your children do what they want, be what they want, when they want.

·        Your children easily succumb or become anxious under high pressure.

·        You don’t discipline your kids at all, which causes them to misbehave and you feel it’s acceptable because they are children.

·        You never treat your children like adults even when they are adults.

·        You put your child’s happiness before your own all the time.

·        You nurture any baby that comes your way.

·        You have oodles of compassion and patience.

·        You believe in attachment parenting.

The newest of the lot is Guerilla parenting. Here the parent wants kids to learn life skills and become independent. You love your children but are strict because you want them to be self sufficient individuals who can make a living in any given situation. This style of parenting was coined by David T Fagan whose is the author of the book 'Guerilla Parenting'. He started off by asking himself one big question that "Does my child’s current education live up to my child’s full potential?” This led him to wonder, “Are the schools, teachers, and coaches giving my children everything they need, to transform their talents into profitable careers and businesses?” Fagan's style of parenting professes that children should be brought-up with strict love. He teaches his children to provide for themselves, create profitable opportunities for themselves, be self-reliant and reach their full potential. 

He has often been criticized for making his children miss school to start their own ventures. In fact, he helps children to monetize their talents. He says that he doesn’t indulge in his children by giving them or buying them things, he teaches them to earn it for themselves. There is no gain without any pain. He doesn’t believe in pampering kids and wants to equip them will skills so that they become fully functionally adults. 

Parenting experts have criticized this style of parenting that children brought up under such circumstances are robbed of their childhood and become too mature for their age too soon. You don’t always have to bring up your children with a mission; they should be allowed to be themselves without having to prove themselves at such a young age. It is okay if there are times you intervene because certain situation do require parental intervention like in certain instances of bullying or a child may require your help with schoolwork. Here are 5 signs that you are a guerilla mom:

·        Your aim of bringing up your child is that he can support himself, that you are raising an entrepreneur.

·        You let your kids fail, you don’t rescue your child whether it’s bullying, homework or college fee. Your child has to learn to manage on his own.

·        College is not for everyone, giving your children options of not going to college and starting their own start up.

·        Focus only on getting results.

·        Teach them self reliance and don’t give in to their whims and fancies.

                                                                                                                                                          

All styles of parenting have their pros and cons. The adage 'no one size fits all' works here. No parent is perfect and no child is perfect either; we all make mistakes and in parenting we have the liberty to make a mistake and do it all over again. We work on the model of ‘trial and erreo’. I don’t think you can follow any one style of parenting entirely; it is a blend of all, and the parenting style changes with the situation and age. You would want to practice 'elephant' parenting with infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers since they are very young and need lots of hugs and unconditional love, but you wouldn’t want them to become spoilt, so a little structure needs to be added as they cross over from the toddler stage to the pre-schooler stage. 

We wouldn’t want our kids to have no self-control and grow up to be spoilt brats, so a pinch of 'tiger' parenting here and there would be needed. Some kids need to be cushioned when things go wrong and some need to be pushed to achieve their full potential. Each kid is different and we need to practice different parenting styles to suit   each child. When children reach their teens, I think the 'guerilla' style of parenting may need to be introduced to make the children self reliant and self sufficient and make them feel that they can achieve anything on their own. But in all forms of parenting, at whatever age, there should be oodles of unconditional love and every parent ought to do the best he or she can, and should themselves decide as to  what style of parenting they should  follow.

But when I think about it, I wonder that since human beings are the most evolved creatures in the animal kingdom, why do we have to follow and get inspired by animals for parenting our kids? Why not use our own common sense and create a balance between putting pressure on our kids when it is required and yet give them the space to do their own thing as well. 

Let them make age-appropriate decisions, be present when they need you, but you should not perpetually hover around them. Let them discover things for themselves, let them make mistakes and learn from them, teach them to be kind to others, respect elders, be polite, instill in them that if they work hard and put their minds to it, there isn’t anything they cannot achieve in life, cushion them when it is required. And finally, unconditional love in any situation - this I would call ‘Humanistic Parenting’!

        

Having a two year old, is like having a blender for which you don’t have a top for – Jerry Seinfield