How to Handle Toddler Tantrums?

Children between the ages of 18 months to 4 years are hard-wired to misbehave. Their outbursts are as normal a biological response to anger and frustration, as a yawn is to fatigue. When my son was younger, there were so many times when I would question myself if I was bringing him up right or not, whether my son was growing-up to be a spoilt brat - I would get dirty looks from family and acquaintances. 

I still remember it was my sister’s wedding and every time anybody tried to greet my son and tell me how cute he was, he would dig his nails into the closest body-part of that person in response and retaliation.I couldn’t understand where I was going wrong. He used to throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat, from wearing clothes in the morning, or what glass he was going to drink water from, to what utensil was used to make his meal, as if heavens would fall if his desires were not met !

 But mothers out there should not worry if you are going through the same thing; it is just a phase till the child's brain develops fully and the child is able to understand and handle it's emotions and respond appropriately to a given situation.

The front grey matter of the brain behind the eyebrows is known as the PFC (pre-frontal cortex). It is the part of the brain which regulates emotion and social behavior. It is the last area of the brain to develop and it begins to mature only at the age of four. So most small kids have an emotional outburst because this part of the brain isn’t developed and they are not sure how to respond. 

These kids don’t look at situations logically, they feel that stuffed tiger may come alive and eat them, or if they wanted to push the button of the vending machine first and you did it first, that’s the end of the world for them for sure. But we as adults need to tackle the tantrum, keeping the under-developed PFC in mind. At this age, children have just learnt how to walk and they are learning how to talk and achieve many milestones along the way, so it is a bit overwhelming for them. When you are trying to make your child wear a coat because it cold outside and he doesn’t want to and refuses to budge,  it should not make your blood boil !

Here is a list of things you can do, to handle such situations:

·        You are an adult, so you need to keep calm. A reaction by the way of scolding the child or getting angry does not help the situation. It only reinforces the bad behavior, because the child realizes that he is getting a reaction from you.

·        Time-out. Take your child to another room or an isolated place and wait patiently for the tantrum to get over. Let your child cool down. Talking to your child when he is upset will not help the situation in any way. After your child has calmed down explain that this behavior is unacceptable and explain why? Start with "I know you are upset with a particular situation or person, but here is how we can deal with this next time?"

·        Ignore the behavior. Sometimes just ignoring the behavior helps the situation. Giving a reaction reinforces the behavior. Sometimes you may feel that your child is just getting manipulative but it is not their fault; it is their underdeveloped PFC.

·        Constant reassurance and love. Children at this age need to be told that you love them unconditionally. They need to be given lots of hugs and kisses. Hitting them is not an option - you are only telling your child that since you are dominant and powerful, you can hit. He or she will replicate the behavior when they grow up. You don’t want your child to grow up dysfunctional.

·        Don’t shout or raise your voice. There are others ways of showing displeasure by telling the child that you are not willing to speak with them at the moment because of their incorrect behavior. There are times when children start hitting or scratching - either walk away or hold the child tight till he calms down.

·        Find the trigger. Find out what is making your child behave in a certain way; is he hungry, tired, over stimulated? Sometime an iron deficiency also makes a child irritable and cranky. It is best to speak to your pediatrician for advice.

·        Wait for the child to turn 5. You will see that most children become angels when they turn 5. Their tantrums seem to slowly start disappearing. My son is 6 right now and we surely have come a long way from a little devil to an angel. And in case your kids don't stop throwing tantrums, you need to refer to the blog post "are you saying No to your child often enough?

    To anyone who is thinking of having kids, my two year old threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow - @exploding unicorn