How not to lose your self esteem?

As you adorn the new role of a mother, some of you may decide to leave work and focus on your baby or work from home, get back to work or juggle both. Everyone makes the best possible choice suited for their family. But while we are making these educated fully thought out choices there are plenty of people judging us. We are constantly trying to justify our role as a mother; it is never seen as complete in itself. 

Your self esteem really takes a blow. You have thoughts of being worthless because even though you love your baby to bits , there is never any appreciation if you are a mother/wife/home maker or working mother! People like to jump to conclusions and make assumptions and while we are trying to do the best in all these roles – we always feel we are somehow falling short. 

Our society is such, women should cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, the in-laws and the husband, not particularly in that order. Eyebrows are raised in-case you have to travel for work leaving your family behind and are criticized for prioritizing work over everything -But, if the significant other has to travel, there are no questions asked. 

If you are a stay at home mom, you are asked “oh my God”- you have studied so much and you were doing so well at work – why have you left it all?' Everyone looks down upon you like you are some village idiot.  Stay at home mom’s look enviously at working mothers who seem to have their act together and are climbing the corporate ladder and doing something for themselves. 

On the other hand working mothers look enviously at the stay at home mom who manages to spend quality time with her kids, is there for every parent teacher meeting and  is also a great cook and home maker. Our significant others may miss parent teacher meetings or have minimal contribution in raising children, yet no one has any expectations from them. It is us women who have to justify all our roles and are made to sit on the judgment seat in case we fall short on any one of those roles.

When I decided to take a break from work for my baby, I never realized that I would be judged by everyone. People would often tell me that "we have brought up kids too you know" or that "I would never leave my job." I would often sit and cry by myself because I was a brand manager once upon a time and now I am a nobody. I didn’t have any self worth. I would often look at my husband enviously how he would leave for work every morning and have a sense of purpose in life. I on the other hand felt that I was doing nothing with my life. 

My husband would often say to me, "you know you are enough and you don’t have anything to prove to anyone" yet I felt empty. Whenever we would go to a social gathering and people ask me what I was doing, I would be at a loss for words and say, "nothing at the moment- just enjoying motherhood".I have also been asked in the past how I spend all my time at home and don’t I get bored? Absolutely the house just cleans itself magically while I sprawl in bed the whole day!

Friends of mine who work often complain about how difficult it is for them as relatives and friends are always making them feel guilty about how their child is constantly sick because their work is a priority. What a cruel thing to say? Children do fall sick, that’s how they build their immunity!- If you take leave from work, to take care of your sick child, – that’s glared upon as well. It is a big conundrum for us women, what to do? What not to do?

So, on days I felt upset and down and out and my son would be at school, I would take the opportunity to write. It was the greatest release for me to pen down my thoughts. Writing is what I felt gave me the courage to move on and carry out all my roles no matter what people would say. We women need to support each other and lift each other up whether at work or at home. 

When I started telling my near and dear ones that I was writing a book on first time mothers- , some of them were very appreciative of my efforts - But since I hadn’t written anything in my life before, a lot of them would mock me and say “so when is your book getting published?” -But I would take all of this in my stride. It doesn’t matter what people think. 

Happiness comes from within and not from around you. Let’s empower each other to do great things. No matter if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. We are all in it together. And some days may seem especially hard to get through, but to be honest when I am with my son what other people say doesn’t matter because i know I am raising this being to the best of my capabilities. I am teaching him to be the best version of himself and to be kind and loving to everyone around him. Don’t get disheartened because- all you women out there are doing a great job. Ignore all the negativity and embrace positivity.

 There are times I tell my husband that people don't value me because I am not currently contributing financially to the family. But he says to me – you are a mother, a wife , a daughter, a daughter in-law, an accountant , a cook, a teacher and a home - maker all in one. You never get tired and never have a day off and no money in the world can justify the impact you make in this world.

Not one drop of my self- worth depends on your acceptance of me – Quincy Jones.