Grandparents teach
an important role in the lives of grand children:
·
They give them unconditional love
·
They teach them values and tradition
·
Sense of humor , kindness, ability to laugh
at oneself
·
They share stories about the parent’s
childhood
·
Help parents take a break from their tumultuous
routine
·
Teach kids to respect elders and about
family
·
Life lessons due to vast experience
From my personal
experience between my parents and my husband’s parents I have had a fair share
of criticism from both about raising my son. When I was breastfeeding my son I
was told on many occasions that I needed to stop and that he was three and too
big to breastfeed, even after many failed attempts he still wanted to go on ,
must to the displeasure of everyone. It was also made to sound that I was
insecure to stop breastfeeding him, which was so unfair because that wasn’t the
case.
The grandparents are of a different generation and things are very different from their times. So stuff which was followed back them isn’t followed now, but most of get to hear a lot of advice about what was the norm them and how we turn out fine? But little does anyone realize that with every generation that is born there are new advances and studies which lead to new child rearing practices which need to be followed. When I was born my mother did what her mother / mother in law told her. When my son was born I chose to follow what the doctor said and ofcourse my maternal extinct. You have to also realized that the average of new mothers back then was 22-23 years old, the average of mother’s now is 33 years old so they are much else naïve and more mature than the former.
I am not trying to disrespect the grandparent’s advice but they need to give us the space to use our judgment and trial and error to bring up the children they we want to. On the flipside we at times underestimate their capabilities but they were parents too and have a vast amount of experience. Thus we need to maintain equilibrium between the two relationships. I would like to quote an incident my friend once shared that her mother (the grandmother) would stuff her child with all the sugary food possible. This would upset my friend because the family had a history of diabetes and not just that sugar ever does anybody any good. My friend would try and explain her mother the ill effects of highly processed food and would tell her to give her foods which are good for her. Also she would let the child do whatever she wanted and when my friend would try to discipline her child she would tell that her grandmother lets her do anything and why is she being so mean?
The problem arises when the grandparents don’t give their children the opportunity to raise their kids the way the want to. In another incident there was a friend of mine who was so head strong , she would disagree with her mother and never want to leave her child with them thinking that they would over pamper her child and spoil her. But I tried to explain to her that our kids are lucky to have their grandparents and our kids can learn so much from them, we should give them the space to grandparents and no they are not overtaking our role as also we need to explain to them we as parents should be allowed to take our own call on our children.
The grandparents are of a different generation and things are very different from their times. So stuff which was followed back them isn’t followed now, but most of get to hear a lot of advice about what was the norm them and how we turn out fine? But little does anyone realize that with every generation that is born there are new advances and studies which lead to new child rearing practices which need to be followed. When I was born my mother did what her mother / mother in law told her. When my son was born I chose to follow what the doctor said and ofcourse my maternal extinct. You have to also realized that the average of new mothers back then was 22-23 years old, the average of mother’s now is 33 years old so they are much else naïve and more mature than the former.
I am not trying to disrespect the grandparent’s advice but they need to give us the space to use our judgment and trial and error to bring up the children they we want to. On the flipside we at times underestimate their capabilities but they were parents too and have a vast amount of experience. Thus we need to maintain equilibrium between the two relationships. I would like to quote an incident my friend once shared that her mother (the grandmother) would stuff her child with all the sugary food possible. This would upset my friend because the family had a history of diabetes and not just that sugar ever does anybody any good. My friend would try and explain her mother the ill effects of highly processed food and would tell her to give her foods which are good for her. Also she would let the child do whatever she wanted and when my friend would try to discipline her child she would tell that her grandmother lets her do anything and why is she being so mean?
The problem arises when the grandparents don’t give their children the opportunity to raise their kids the way the want to. In another incident there was a friend of mine who was so head strong , she would disagree with her mother and never want to leave her child with them thinking that they would over pamper her child and spoil her. But I tried to explain to her that our kids are lucky to have their grandparents and our kids can learn so much from them, we should give them the space to grandparents and no they are not overtaking our role as also we need to explain to them we as parents should be allowed to take our own call on our children.
Sometimes children aren’t able to develop a
bond with the grandparents because of animosity between the grandparents and
the parents and children sense this tension and replicate the same behavior as
parents. There are even times that due to divorce, separation children aren’t
able to develop a relationship with their grandparents. Like any relationship
we need to give each other space and your children are always watching you and
emulating you.
Another friend of mine had an issue where
the grandfather and grandmother never got along with each other, so this
precipitated into their son never really developing a relationship with his
father because most often , the child spends more time with the mother
especially if she is a stay at home mom. This further precipitated in the
grandson not developing a relationship with the grandfather. If you don’t get
along with a particular parent don’t express that in front of your child. Let
your child chose and decide for himself the relations he or she wants to make.
We often enforce our ideas unknowingly on our child; our actions speak louder
than words.
Give your children the freedom to develop a relationship with their children if you think the relationship is not a threat to their well being. And like it would happen in most families, the mother is always blamed; my friend was blamed for her child’s detachment from the grandfather for no fault of hers. The child could obviously sense the relationship between the father and grandfather. My son has learnt how to climb trees, balance on logs and play imaginary games with his grandparents. This only adds to his personality and knowledge bank. Mostly parents are busy with household activities and work unable to give their children too much, that’s where grandparents especially if they are living with you, can enrich your children’s lives.
Give your children the freedom to develop a relationship with their children if you think the relationship is not a threat to their well being. And like it would happen in most families, the mother is always blamed; my friend was blamed for her child’s detachment from the grandfather for no fault of hers. The child could obviously sense the relationship between the father and grandfather. My son has learnt how to climb trees, balance on logs and play imaginary games with his grandparents. This only adds to his personality and knowledge bank. Mostly parents are busy with household activities and work unable to give their children too much, that’s where grandparents especially if they are living with you, can enrich your children’s lives.
There can be nothing more beautiful than
your child developing a relationship with his or her grandparents because they
play such important roles in our children’s lives. Also there is nothing like
getting along with the grandparents, not getting along can cause a lot of
stress and negativity, so it is better to draw a middle line so as to have no
negative effect on the children. Am sure all of us have extremely joyful
childhood memories of our grandparents while growing up and we should ensure
that our kids get to experience that as well.
Grandparents are there to help the
child get into mischief they haven’t thought of as yet - anon
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