What are the survival tips for the Brand New Moms?

Plastic Pollution : are we poisoning our kids?

Unknowingly, everything around us contains plastic - containers which we use to store food, the buckets we bathe from, the tooth brush bristle on our brushes, the list can go on. The American Academy of Pediatrics wants parent to stop heating food in plastic containers in the microwave as also cut down on processed food because they are all sold in plastic covers. Studies have shown a link between cancer and exposure to the chemicals in plastics.

Bisphenol A's (BPA) is the dreaded chemical found in plastic.This BPA is known to leach out of plastic and contaminate food stored in it. It is also known to be an endocrine disrupting chemical , which in lay terms means that it messes with your child's hormonal functioning.  BPA is used to harden plastic and mimics the hormone "estrogen" which affects the child's immune system , increases body fat also causes decrease in fertility.

Apart from that plastic containers which say they are microwave safe actually aren't because they get scratched while washing and the BPA leaches out of the plastic and enters the food. Pediatricians recommend that we use steel and glass instead of plastic.

Below are some ways to replace plastic wherever necessary for your children and you:

a) Don't use plastic straws replace them with paper straws or steel straws  - they are easily available on amazon.

b) Don't use plastic plates , cutlery - use stainless steel, wooden spoons.
c) Use glass bowls in the microwave rather than plastic bowls.
d) Use glass bottles for water at home and stainless steel bottles if the child has to carry water to school or a class.
e) For storage of food as well , use glass or steel containers.
f) Use wooden tooth brushes ( Panda bamboo toothbrushes are available on amazon)
g) Replace the plastic bucket and mug with steel buckets (stainless steel buckets are available on amazon)
h) Use glass milk bottles for your babies , even though a lot of plastic bottles do say they are BPA free and microwaveable ,but glass bottles are still better.

The C word sends me jitters every time I hear it. My grand mom recently got diagnosed with breast cancer and it tore our world apart, because at her age, it is difficult to get chemo. The doctors recommended a mastectomy, even though its been three years since the C word came into our lives, you can never really tell who could be its next victim? Could it come back and get her again? I discovered a lump in my breast by accident as well a year ago, it turned out to be a fibroadenoma (a benign tumor) thankfully. 

Everyday in the paper I read how so many lives known and unknown are affected by this misery? Some are able to fight it and some succumb to it. But all we can do is keep to ourselves informed, protect our children from the chemicals around us, give them a healthy life and lifestyle. I have also come to realize that stress is a horrible thing. Stress brings down our guard , our immunity to fight. The people who have been able fight this disease are those who have been positive and optimistic in life. So even though we make the right lifestyle choices to be healthy we need to get rid off the stress in our lives, the stress which feeds the C word and makes it stronger.

Be a part of the solution and not the pollution - anon

How to help your child read better?

Our Child's Teeth and Hygiene with Dr Neha Bhatti

Is your Child playing enough? Part 2

Is your Child playing enough? Part 1

Introduction Video for Ultimate Cheat Guide For Mommy TV

Why you should not stress about your child's eating habits?

How to become an Entrepreneurial Mommy?

Mothers who aren’t able to get back to work for whatever reason should start using whatever free time they have to think of ideas of doing something which fulfills them. As your child grows bigger and doesn’t need you as much and starts going to school you seem to have more time on your hand. You need to start making a roadmap in advance about what is it that you want to do and how do you want to go about it? 

Mothers all over the world are coming up with the most amazing ideas. I think it is important for mothers to find time and do something for themselves apart from taking care of their families. Most Indian moms feel or are made to feel that once they have had kids all they are supposed to do is put others before themselves, their needs and wants are of much lesser significance.

I have lately come across exemplary mothers who are contributing post having their babies and nothing has stopped them from achieving their dream. The other day I came across an article on this lady and new mommy, Natasha Bajaj who has started her own line of clothing called 'N&J'. Her website has trendy apparel for expecting mom and nursing moms. She has tapped into a space where not many players exist. Then there is the duo Deepika Khaitan and Sanjana Nath both mommies who have started a salon for kids called 'Flick' where kids get a pollution-free environment for a haircut, girls can get their nails done and hair braided. They also have a play-area for kids so that moms can pamper themselves while the children are taken care of.  

There is Lahar Bhatnagar who is mom to two most adorable kids and she is an author of '100 ways to be stress free mom and raise happy kids" , a parent coach and founder of Nirvanama. She keeps all the mommies agog for more tips on what to do and not to do? Megha Malik, mommy to two angel like girls, she is the founder of Resa Fine Jewelry. She has the most exquisite jewellery designs which you would have never seen before, she also travels extensively exhibiting her talent all across the world.  

Anika Kalha, mommy to two amazing kids, she is the one who curates one of the finest cutlery, crockery and canvas paintings from artisans all across the country and exhibits it under the name of ‘Seventh Sense’.  Her work is brilliant .

I feel so proud to know these ladies from all walks of life. There are many such examples of women which show - how mothers can balance out bringing-up their children and yet do something for themselves by thinking innovatively. It’s just about coming up with an innovative and unique idea and managing your time.

It is very fulfilling to go out there and do what you enjoy doing, and your life has a sense of purpose beyond taking care of your home, family and children. When you come back from work, you will find that you are recharged to take care of your family. I see that I am a better mom when I have given myself some time. You need to take care of your needs too. We Indian wives/moms seem to forget ourselves in the process; everything else seems to have higher priority than ourselves. 

But only if you take care of yourself will you be able to take care of your family. You need to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually, and only then can you take care of others' emotional physical and spiritual needs. That’s why it is important to find your calling and get to work.

 I find so many Indian women who feel overburdened with family and housework, but forget that there is life beyond it. They reach their 50s and are full of regrets; there is a feeling of non-fulfillment. This feeling stems from the fact that stay-at -home moms aren’t the 'bread earners'; the work done at home is taken for granted, since you don’t get a salary when you’re a stay- at-home mom. We keep trying to justify ourselves and at the end of the day we are miserable.

We need to empower ourselves and make this change. We need to stop feeling guilty; either we need to look for opportunities and get to work or be content and satisfied about being a stay-at-home mom. Staying at home too is a lot of work. We don’t need to justify to anyone why you’re working and not at home, nor as to why you are a stay-at-home mom. Do what makes you happy and content. I decided to write a book to share my experiences with others and that’s what makes me happy. There is no situation in life that can stop you from reaching where you want to be.

 We women need to empower and uplift each other instead bringing each other down. Its only when we uplift each other, we see a positive change. In this country of patriarchy it is us women who need to stand together for our right for equality whether at home or at work. Men still get a higher salary for the same skill set; men don’t have to make choices to take a break in their careers when they have to start a family. When we women stand by each other, is when we can make that change. Men in the west are brought up differently and both husband and wife contribute equally at work and home. The children also watch their parents treating each other as equals and grow up to do the same. 

A friend of mine shared a incident where her son noticed his father carrying his own plate to the kitchen which seemed out of ordinary for the child and asked the mother “why is papa carrying his plate, isn’t that a job for girls?” this notion that the kitchen is a place for women and the man is the bread winner is the indoctrinated in our families and needs to change. We need to change our environment at home, because our children are watching us and learning from us. So if we want to be treated equal, we need to show our kids what being equal is even at home. And it starts from sharing all responsibilities. It honestly never to late to start thinking about yourself. More power to all you mothers out there.

The joys of motherhood aren’t fully experienced until the children are in bed -anon

How not to lose your self esteem?

As you adorn the new role of a mother, some of you may decide to leave work and focus on your baby or work from home, get back to work or juggle both. Everyone makes the best possible choice suited for their family. But while we are making these educated fully thought out choices there are plenty of people judging us. We are constantly trying to justify our role as a mother; it is never seen as complete in itself. 

Your self esteem really takes a blow. You have thoughts of being worthless because even though you love your baby to bits , there is never any appreciation if you are a mother/wife/home maker or working mother! People like to jump to conclusions and make assumptions and while we are trying to do the best in all these roles – we always feel we are somehow falling short. 

Our society is such, women should cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, the in-laws and the husband, not particularly in that order. Eyebrows are raised in-case you have to travel for work leaving your family behind and are criticized for prioritizing work over everything -But, if the significant other has to travel, there are no questions asked. 

If you are a stay at home mom, you are asked “oh my God”- you have studied so much and you were doing so well at work – why have you left it all?' Everyone looks down upon you like you are some village idiot.  Stay at home mom’s look enviously at working mothers who seem to have their act together and are climbing the corporate ladder and doing something for themselves. 

On the other hand working mothers look enviously at the stay at home mom who manages to spend quality time with her kids, is there for every parent teacher meeting and  is also a great cook and home maker. Our significant others may miss parent teacher meetings or have minimal contribution in raising children, yet no one has any expectations from them. It is us women who have to justify all our roles and are made to sit on the judgment seat in case we fall short on any one of those roles.

When I decided to take a break from work for my baby, I never realized that I would be judged by everyone. People would often tell me that "we have brought up kids too you know" or that "I would never leave my job." I would often sit and cry by myself because I was a brand manager once upon a time and now I am a nobody. I didn’t have any self worth. I would often look at my husband enviously how he would leave for work every morning and have a sense of purpose in life. I on the other hand felt that I was doing nothing with my life. 

My husband would often say to me, "you know you are enough and you don’t have anything to prove to anyone" yet I felt empty. Whenever we would go to a social gathering and people ask me what I was doing, I would be at a loss for words and say, "nothing at the moment- just enjoying motherhood".I have also been asked in the past how I spend all my time at home and don’t I get bored? Absolutely the house just cleans itself magically while I sprawl in bed the whole day!

Friends of mine who work often complain about how difficult it is for them as relatives and friends are always making them feel guilty about how their child is constantly sick because their work is a priority. What a cruel thing to say? Children do fall sick, that’s how they build their immunity!- If you take leave from work, to take care of your sick child, – that’s glared upon as well. It is a big conundrum for us women, what to do? What not to do?

So, on days I felt upset and down and out and my son would be at school, I would take the opportunity to write. It was the greatest release for me to pen down my thoughts. Writing is what I felt gave me the courage to move on and carry out all my roles no matter what people would say. We women need to support each other and lift each other up whether at work or at home. 

When I started telling my near and dear ones that I was writing a book on first time mothers- , some of them were very appreciative of my efforts - But since I hadn’t written anything in my life before, a lot of them would mock me and say “so when is your book getting published?” -But I would take all of this in my stride. It doesn’t matter what people think. 

Happiness comes from within and not from around you. Let’s empower each other to do great things. No matter if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. We are all in it together. And some days may seem especially hard to get through, but to be honest when I am with my son what other people say doesn’t matter because i know I am raising this being to the best of my capabilities. I am teaching him to be the best version of himself and to be kind and loving to everyone around him. Don’t get disheartened because- all you women out there are doing a great job. Ignore all the negativity and embrace positivity.

 There are times I tell my husband that people don't value me because I am not currently contributing financially to the family. But he says to me – you are a mother, a wife , a daughter, a daughter in-law, an accountant , a cook, a teacher and a home - maker all in one. You never get tired and never have a day off and no money in the world can justify the impact you make in this world.

Not one drop of my self- worth depends on your acceptance of me – Quincy Jones.

How to make it easier for your child to handle vaccination?

Vaccinating your child is the best thing that you can do for them. It teaches their immune system to fend off various life threatening infections. Vaccines protect your child against life threatening diseases like diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis, polio, haemophilus influenza, rotavirus, hepatitis B, measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox, pneumococcal and meningococcal diseases. The vaccination schedule begins from 0 to about 5 years of life. Avoid vaccinating your child when he or she is unwell or is running fever.

 All vaccines are known to be safe and there is generally never a reason not to get your child vaccinated. There is another school of thought amongst various critics of vaccinations that they cause cerebral palsy in children, learning disabilities and autism but there is no scientific evidence to prove these claims. They claim that the adjuvant used in the vaccine cocktail is known to cause these diseases in children. But I personally feel there is more benefit than risk in giving your child the vaccine.

Initially when I used to take my son for vaccination , he was too small to realize what was happening and would ball his head off as soon the needle would break his skin for the medication to enter and as he grew to an age to understand what a vaccination was, he was petrified to enter the doctor’s clinic. As he grew to the age of 4, he had a clear understanding what a vaccine was? I would tell him that the doctor was putting soldiers in his body so that he doesn’t fall sick. He was so brave that he would lie on the doctor’s examination bed and tell the doctor to give him the vaccine and he didn’t shed even a tear. I feel communicating with children and explaining to them things logically really helps. We underestimate them a lot of times but they can really surprise you if you give them a chance.

Diseases amongst infants and toddlers can be life threatening. Mumps can cause permanent deafness, polio can cause paralysis, and measles can cause brain damage. There is no treatment and cure for these diseases.

Here are some tips to reduce the discomfort your child can have:

·        Use calpol to reduce the pain and fussiness in a child post the vaccination.

·        You can do ice compression on the place where the vaccine has been administered.

·        Distract the child during the vaccination like singing a song, showing them a cartoon on your phone, cuddle your child, and ask them questions.

·        You can ask the doctor to put a topical anesthetic to ease the pain before the vaccination.

·        Tell your child that vaccines make us strong and how it will hurt just a little but not for long.

·        Give them plenty of fluids to drink.

Always keep your child’s vaccination record up to date so that you can keep track of what vaccinations have been done and what are left? The only side effect of vaccination is swelling, pain, redness at the site of the injection, feeling tired or getting a head ache and in some rare instances fever. Generally your child should not have a strong reaction to the vaccine but do consult your doctor in case you feel your child is in great discomfort.

So you won’t get a vaccination for your child from the fear that they might get “autism”? ……tell me how a dead child is better than an autistic one. - anon

How to deal with your child's allergies?

Children get allergies from coming in contact with allergens like dust ,pollen etc. Allergens can be inhaled eaten or injected or they can come in contact with the skin. Allergies tend to run in families, if a parent has an allergy, there is a higher chance that his or her child will also have allergies too. The risk increases if both parents are allergic.

If your child is allergic here are some tips to follow:

·        Keep windows closed during pollen season.

·        Keep the house clean and dry to reduce dust mites and mold.

·        Stop anyone from smoking near your child.

·        Check with your pediatrician for safe effective medicine that can help alleviate allergic symptoms.

·        Avoid foods with artificial color like Kissan jam, candy which has colour , boondi ladoo, jalebi, tandoori masala, chips, frooti, fanta etc.

      Avoid strong fragrances like room freshener, agarbatti, perfumes, citronella, mosquito repellents, bon fires etc

It great to maintain hygiene but it is also important for your kids to play in dirt because it prevents allergies and teaches your child’s immune system to become stronger. It’s better not to be a hygiene freak – always sanitizing, sterilizing etc. This only further weakens a child’s immune system instead of helping it. Indians have a strong digestive system in comparison to the people abroad since they have higher tolerance to bugs due to repeated exposure this leads to a more robust immunity. 

The so called hygiene hypothesis claims that the lack of exposure to early infectious agents in childhood causes the immune system to make mistakes in thinking that food protein is an invading germ. Doctors are of the view that we are creating allergies for our children by over cleaning our environment. The overuse of antibiotics also poses an issue by altering the microbial environment of the gut, thus the immune system has no exposure and causes it to malfunction and act inappropriately.

My son is allergic as well, he get this recurrent cough whenever the weather changes. The doctor puts him on anti-allergic syrup. I was an allergic child as well and I am hoping he grows out of it as well in due course of time. I cannot give him anything which has artificial colour or flavor, need to avoid burning of aggarbati, keep him away from dust and cigarette smoke, keep him away from strong fragrances like perfume and mosquito repellents. I have to make him use a N-99 mask in winters when the pollution in delhi gets worse.

Our city in Delhi needs to take drastic measure to counter the problems of pollution in our city. Our children are living in a gas chamber. We need to save our city and we all need to do our bit to counter pollution. Sensitize our children not to burn crackers, make our children walk (its good for them too) wherever the distance isn’t much, teach our children about the environment and how they can be instrumental in educating everyone around them about the measure they can take. 

Whenever my son walks into a shop and we have to make a purchase he refuses to take a plastic bag and wants to carry a jute bag/ cloth bag from home. He doesn’t let anyone litter outside on the roads. Stops people from using aggarbatti and dhoop, doesn’t burn crackers during diwali and prefers making a rangoli with home - made colour. Children are like sponges and learn really fast and stick to what they have been taught. We should encourage our children imbibe ways to save our environment because they are the future and have to face the consequences of the previous generations actions.

Tips to improve your child’s immunity:

  a) Ensure that your child gets sufficient sleep, lack of sleep cause decrease in immune cells which fight illnesses and cancer.

· b) Breast feed your baby for as long as you can as breast milk improves your child’s immunity.

· c) Make your child have more servings of fruits and vegetables

·  d) Don’t let anyone smoke in front of your child

   e) Ensure that your kids get ample exercise

· f) Maintain hygiene – make your kids wash hands before every meal and after using the bathroom and playing outside.

· g) Don’t use antibiotics unnecessarily as it causes  antibiotic resistance.

Inculcating all these measure mentioned above will help in boosting your child’s immunity.

“What about organic peanut butter?”

“It’s a slightly more expensive risk of anaphylaxis”

-          ANON

How Safe are our Children?

We are continuously trying to create safe spaces for our kids, whether it is at home, at school, in the playground, at a friend’s house.  We want them to be and feel physically and emotionally safe. There is a fine line between keeping our children safe and being overtly over protective of them.

 We continuously have to make these choices about who we can trust. But even though we try to be overprotective of our kids as far as safety is concerned but we also need to educate our kids on ways they can protect themselves as well. We need to teach them about good touch and bad touch. Every day in the newspaper I get to see heart wrenching news regarding children being molested and raped. There are many videos online to educate our children regarding the same and on how they can keep themselves safe.

Here are tips to keep our children safe:

·        There should be trust and continuous communication between your child and you

·        Don’t leave at child unattended in a vehicle, whether the ignition is on or not

·        Make sure your child has the numbers memorized

·        Tell your child if they feel unsafe , they should run away

·        Your child should tell an to be careful of an adult who tells you to keep a secret

·        Take an active role in your child’s activities

·        The goal is to keep your kid smart and keep them safe

Never force your child to be affectionate towards any adult if he or she doesn’t want to be. Forcing a child means you are violating their personal space and in the future they will have to agree to be affectionate to adult even if they don’t want. I have seen in many families children are forced to be affectionate to their relatives and friend even if the child shows displeasure.

 Majority cases of molestation and rape perpetrators have been family members. We should teach our children the concept of circle of trust and who they should trust or not. We need to capacitate our children and keep talking to them and telling them to keep us informed about the developments while at school or home. Be like a friend to your child and ask him or her if there is something which is bothering them.

I don’t ever force my son to hug or kiss anyone who is not comfortable with. It is his own body and his choice, even if it is some very close relative parent or friend. By forcing your child in the future he or she may be force to do something he or she is not comfortable with. You need to educate family members and friends the reason why you don’t force your child? It not that you are encouraging bad behavior. Don’t let your child be rude and un-courteous to anyone but it should be their choice if they feel like hugging or kissing anyone. There are time when my son doesn’t want to be physically affectionate with his grandparents and I don’t force him to do as I respect his choice and discretion to be physically affectionate whoever he wants to be with.

When you hire a nanny do a proper verification and install cctv camera’s to monitor activities in the house while you are away. Check with neighbors for any suspicious activities and always come home unannounced and keep observing any changes in your child’s behavior. Keep communicating with your child and capacitating them in case they are stuck in a precarious situation. Give them hypothetical situation in which you train them to handle situations.

Here are some tips you can give your children when they are away from you at school:

·        Don’t talk or accept anything from a person you don’t know, even if it is a person they know but is not in their circle of trust.

·        Tell them to run away from anyone they feel unsafe with and go to someone they feel safe being with.

·        Teach them about good touch and bad touch, there are many videos on youtube which educate children about the same.

·        Tell them never wander off to anyplace alone at school or a birthday party.

·        When they are about 12-15 yrs old make them join a self defense class.

·        Teach them about bullies and tell them how to handle them and not get pressurized to do things which are unsafe like any sort of challenges like in the recent times do many children lives have been lost due to the blue whale challenge.

·        Be-friend your child so they tell you everything and have the confidence to share anything. Don’t get angry if the confide anything with you, it may seem something which is really unacceptable to you but it’s your child and you need to help them.

·        Don’t panic under any situation because children learn to emulate your behavior, a stressed parent will have a stressed out child. For example if a mother goes out in the garden and sees a lizard and screams, a child of that mother will have similar stresses and fears, but on the other hand if a mother sees a lizard but doesn’t panic and is calm, tells the child to observe its beauty at a distance, the child will grow up not being scared of things which aren’t harmful or a threat to them. 

     People who are unflappable and don’t stress easily have better presence of mind to react to any situation. I would like to share an incident where my son was in the school bus and apparently due to less number of children they had clubbed the buses. So all the kids would reach home fairly late because they would be taking a longer route, the school had been lackadaisical in not informing the parents about this development. So my son noticed that the bus was going to take a different route called me from the conductors phone and informed me of the same. I was able to pick him up mid way and his classmates as well who very stressed about how they would get home. I was very proud of the way my son had the presence of mind to call me and not panic and handle the situation. It’s important to instill life skills in our children, so that they are equipped enough to handle situation when we aren’t around.

I am always worried about the safety of my children, especially when they get all sassy and think they can talk back to me - anon

What is the role of Grandparent's in our Children's lives?

Grandparents play an important role in the lives of children. They are great role models and gladly play an active role in the upbringing of their grandchildren. Parents also have someone to talk to and seek parental advice in case of an issue and they are someone who one can trust and leave their children with them from time to time. In some families grandparents take care of children while they are at work and in some families grandchildren spend the weekend with their grandparents. If grandparents live far away then children go stay with them during vacation time.

Grandparents teach an important role in the lives of grand children:

·        They give them unconditional love

·        They teach them values and tradition

·        Sense of humor , kindness, ability to laugh at oneself

·        They share stories about the parent’s childhood

·        Help parents take a break from their tumultuous routine

·        Teach kids to respect elders and about family

·        Life lessons due to vast experience

It is important for grandparents and parents to agree on a role of grandparents in children’s lives. Grandparents need to remember that they are not the parents and let the parents learn to raise their kids themselves and parents should remember that grandparents have a lot of experience and they are not trying to overtake the role of the parents. Problems occur when the dynamics aren’t maintained. 

From my personal experience between my parents and my husband’s parents I have had a fair share of criticism from both about raising my son. When I was breastfeeding my son I was told on many occasions that I needed to stop and that he was three and too big to breastfeed, even after many failed attempts he still wanted to go on , must to the displeasure of everyone. It was also made to sound that I was insecure to stop breastfeeding him, which was so unfair because that wasn’t the case. 

The grandparents are of a different generation and things are very different from their times. So stuff which was followed back them isn’t followed now, but most of get to hear a lot of advice about what was the norm them and how we turn out fine? But little does anyone realize that with every generation that is born there are new advances and studies which lead to new child rearing practices which need to be followed. When I was born my mother did what her mother / mother in law told her. When my son was born I chose to follow what the doctor said and ofcourse my maternal extinct. You have to also realized that the average of new mothers back then was 22-23 years old, the average of mother’s now is 33 years old so they are much else naïve and more mature than the former.

 I am not trying to disrespect the grandparent’s advice but they need to give us the space to use our judgment and trial and error to bring up the children they we want to. On the flipside we at times underestimate their capabilities but they were parents too and have a vast amount of experience. Thus we need to maintain equilibrium between the two relationships. I would like to quote an incident my friend once shared that her mother (the grandmother) would stuff her child with all the sugary food possible. This would upset my friend because the family had a history of diabetes and not just that sugar ever does anybody any good. My friend would try and explain her mother the ill effects of highly processed food and would tell her to give her foods which are good for her. Also she would let the child do whatever she wanted and when my friend would try to discipline her child she would tell that her grandmother lets her do anything and why is she being so mean? 

The problem arises when the grandparents don’t give their children the opportunity to raise their kids the way the want to. In another incident there was a friend of mine who was so head strong , she would disagree with her mother and never want to leave her child with them thinking that they would over pamper her child and spoil her. But I tried to explain to her that our kids are lucky to have their grandparents and our kids can learn so much from them, we should give them the space to grandparents and no they are not overtaking our role as also we need to explain to them we as parents should be allowed to take our own call on our children.

Sometimes children aren’t able to develop a bond with the grandparents because of animosity between the grandparents and the parents and children sense this tension and replicate the same behavior as parents. There are even times that due to divorce, separation children aren’t able to develop a relationship with their grandparents. Like any relationship we need to give each other space and your children are always watching you and emulating you.

Another friend of mine had an issue where the grandfather and grandmother never got along with each other, so this precipitated into their son never really developing a relationship with his father because most often , the child spends more time with the mother especially if she is a stay at home mom. This further precipitated in the grandson not developing a relationship with the grandfather. If you don’t get along with a particular parent don’t express that in front of your child. Let your child chose and decide for himself the relations he or she wants to make. We often enforce our ideas unknowingly on our child; our actions speak louder than words. 

Give your children the freedom to develop a relationship with their children if you think the relationship is not a threat to their well being.  And like it would happen in most families, the mother is always blamed; my friend was blamed for her child’s detachment from the grandfather for no fault of hers. The child could obviously sense the relationship between the father and grandfather. My son has learnt how to climb trees, balance on logs and play imaginary games with his grandparents. This only adds to his personality and knowledge bank. Mostly parents are busy with household activities and work unable to give their children too much, that’s where grandparents especially if they are living with you, can enrich your children’s lives.

There can be nothing more beautiful than your child developing a relationship with his or her grandparents because they play such important roles in our children’s lives. Also there is nothing like getting along with the grandparents, not getting along can cause a lot of stress and negativity, so it is better to draw a middle line so as to have no negative effect on the children. Am sure all of us have extremely joyful childhood memories of our grandparents while growing up and we should ensure that our kids get to experience that as well.

Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of as yet - anon

Is your child Stressed?

Adults tend to view the world of kids as happy and carefree as we think kids don’t have to deal the problems that adults have to. They always seem happy and carefree. Even younger kids worry and can have stress.

There various levels of stress in kids:

-        Preschoolers can suffer from anxiety from separation from parents.

-        Older kids can suffer from stress due to academic pressure or social pressure when a child is trying to fit in.

-        Kids who are too busy to play creatively or relax after school can complain about activities.

-        Kids can also be affected if a parents in the house are anxious

-        Children can also be affected if they are parents are separated or divorced, illness or death of a loved one.

-        Children can also be stressed if they watch disturbing content on television

-        A change in behavior of a child can be seen if they see adults showing physical or emotional violence against each other.

There are various signs and symptoms which help you find out that you child could be potentially stressed

-        Change in sleeping pattern

-        Having sudden nightmares

-        Avoids being social with peers

-        Bed wetting

-        Change in performance at school

-        Emotionally inappropriate behavior/ violent behavior

-        School going children can become defiant, tell lies and bully other kids

Children are unable to express themselves during these times and we as parents need to patient and have open channels of communication. Let the child know you are there for them physically and emotionally and you should guide the child as to how he or she can handle the stress.

Here are some tips to follow to keep your child stress free:

-        Talk to your child – ask them how their days has been and if they need help with something or there is something which is bothering them

-        Speak to the teachers in school – ask the teacher for constructive feedback about your child and what can you do to help?

-        Speak with your child’s friends – you will be able to gauge from friends and classmates with respect to your child’s behavior in class

-        Reassure your child that you love them unconditionally no matter how bad the situation maybe.

-        Listen to your child – don’t snub them, let them feel comfortable discussing anything with you.

-        Ensure that your child is not over scheduled - your child needs time to unwind and do what he or she likes.

-        Try getting down on the floor with your child – some parents find it difficult to do that after long days of work but it will be relaxing for the both of you.

-        Ensure your child gets enough rest and proper nutrition.

-        Don’t watch disturbing content in front of your children.

-        Speak with a therapist – it’s always great to ask for help and there is nothing wrong in doing so.

I have seen changes in my son behavior on days he is overscheduled or hasn’t slept well at night. Children are unable process or handle the stress and we as parents need to teach them how to tackle such situations. A situation which may not be overwhelming for an adult may be causing great discomfort to a child. These days’ children are so overburdened with classes post school that a lot of them are already burning out before their age. We try to live vicariously through our child, making them achieve our goals. They only have one childhood, don’t rob them of this time which will never come back. Let kids be kids!

Kids who need love will ask for it in the most unloving way - Anon