Our Child's Teeth and Hygiene with Dr Neha Bhatti

Is your Child playing enough? Part 2

Is your Child playing enough? Part 1

Introduction Video for Ultimate Cheat Guide For Mommy TV

Why you should not stress about your child's eating habits?

How to become an Entrepreneurial Mommy?

Mothers who aren’t able to get back to work for whatever reason should start using whatever free time they have to think of ideas of doing something which fulfills them. As your child grows bigger and doesn’t need you as much and starts going to school you seem to have more time on your hand. You need to start making a roadmap in advance about what is it that you want to do and how do you want to go about it? 

Mothers all over the world are coming up with the most amazing ideas. I think it is important for mothers to find time and do something for themselves apart from taking care of their families. Most Indian moms feel or are made to feel that once they have had kids all they are supposed to do is put others before themselves, their needs and wants are of much lesser significance.

I have lately come across exemplary mothers who are contributing post having their babies and nothing has stopped them from achieving their dream. The other day I came across an article on this lady and new mommy, Natasha Bajaj who has started her own line of clothing called 'N&J'. Her website has trendy apparel for expecting mom and nursing moms. She has tapped into a space where not many players exist. Then there is the duo Deepika Khaitan and Sanjana Nath both mommies who have started a salon for kids called 'Flick' where kids get a pollution-free environment for a haircut, girls can get their nails done and hair braided. They also have a play-area for kids so that moms can pamper themselves while the children are taken care of.  

There is Lahar Bhatnagar who is mom to two most adorable kids and she is an author of '100 ways to be stress free mom and raise happy kids" , a parent coach and founder of Nirvanama. She keeps all the mommies agog for more tips on what to do and not to do? Megha Malik, mommy to two angel like girls, she is the founder of Resa Fine Jewelry. She has the most exquisite jewellery designs which you would have never seen before, she also travels extensively exhibiting her talent all across the world.  

Anika Kalha, mommy to two amazing kids, she is the one who curates one of the finest cutlery, crockery and canvas paintings from artisans all across the country and exhibits it under the name of ‘Seventh Sense’.  Her work is brilliant .

I feel so proud to know these ladies from all walks of life. There are many such examples of women which show - how mothers can balance out bringing-up their children and yet do something for themselves by thinking innovatively. It’s just about coming up with an innovative and unique idea and managing your time.

It is very fulfilling to go out there and do what you enjoy doing, and your life has a sense of purpose beyond taking care of your home, family and children. When you come back from work, you will find that you are recharged to take care of your family. I see that I am a better mom when I have given myself some time. You need to take care of your needs too. We Indian wives/moms seem to forget ourselves in the process; everything else seems to have higher priority than ourselves. 

But only if you take care of yourself will you be able to take care of your family. You need to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually, and only then can you take care of others' emotional physical and spiritual needs. That’s why it is important to find your calling and get to work.

 I find so many Indian women who feel overburdened with family and housework, but forget that there is life beyond it. They reach their 50s and are full of regrets; there is a feeling of non-fulfillment. This feeling stems from the fact that stay-at -home moms aren’t the 'bread earners'; the work done at home is taken for granted, since you don’t get a salary when you’re a stay- at-home mom. We keep trying to justify ourselves and at the end of the day we are miserable.

We need to empower ourselves and make this change. We need to stop feeling guilty; either we need to look for opportunities and get to work or be content and satisfied about being a stay-at-home mom. Staying at home too is a lot of work. We don’t need to justify to anyone why you’re working and not at home, nor as to why you are a stay-at-home mom. Do what makes you happy and content. I decided to write a book to share my experiences with others and that’s what makes me happy. There is no situation in life that can stop you from reaching where you want to be.

 We women need to empower and uplift each other instead bringing each other down. Its only when we uplift each other, we see a positive change. In this country of patriarchy it is us women who need to stand together for our right for equality whether at home or at work. Men still get a higher salary for the same skill set; men don’t have to make choices to take a break in their careers when they have to start a family. When we women stand by each other, is when we can make that change. Men in the west are brought up differently and both husband and wife contribute equally at work and home. The children also watch their parents treating each other as equals and grow up to do the same. 

A friend of mine shared a incident where her son noticed his father carrying his own plate to the kitchen which seemed out of ordinary for the child and asked the mother “why is papa carrying his plate, isn’t that a job for girls?” this notion that the kitchen is a place for women and the man is the bread winner is the indoctrinated in our families and needs to change. We need to change our environment at home, because our children are watching us and learning from us. So if we want to be treated equal, we need to show our kids what being equal is even at home. And it starts from sharing all responsibilities. It honestly never to late to start thinking about yourself. More power to all you mothers out there.

The joys of motherhood aren’t fully experienced until the children are in bed -anon

How not to lose your self esteem?

As you adorn the new role of a mother, some of you may decide to leave work and focus on your baby or work from home, get back to work or juggle both. Everyone makes the best possible choice suited for their family. But while we are making these educated fully thought out choices there are plenty of people judging us. We are constantly trying to justify our role as a mother; it is never seen as complete in itself. 

Your self esteem really takes a blow. You have thoughts of being worthless because even though you love your baby to bits , there is never any appreciation if you are a mother/wife/home maker or working mother! People like to jump to conclusions and make assumptions and while we are trying to do the best in all these roles – we always feel we are somehow falling short. 

Our society is such, women should cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, the in-laws and the husband, not particularly in that order. Eyebrows are raised in-case you have to travel for work leaving your family behind and are criticized for prioritizing work over everything -But, if the significant other has to travel, there are no questions asked. 

If you are a stay at home mom, you are asked “oh my God”- you have studied so much and you were doing so well at work – why have you left it all?' Everyone looks down upon you like you are some village idiot.  Stay at home mom’s look enviously at working mothers who seem to have their act together and are climbing the corporate ladder and doing something for themselves. 

On the other hand working mothers look enviously at the stay at home mom who manages to spend quality time with her kids, is there for every parent teacher meeting and  is also a great cook and home maker. Our significant others may miss parent teacher meetings or have minimal contribution in raising children, yet no one has any expectations from them. It is us women who have to justify all our roles and are made to sit on the judgment seat in case we fall short on any one of those roles.

When I decided to take a break from work for my baby, I never realized that I would be judged by everyone. People would often tell me that "we have brought up kids too you know" or that "I would never leave my job." I would often sit and cry by myself because I was a brand manager once upon a time and now I am a nobody. I didn’t have any self worth. I would often look at my husband enviously how he would leave for work every morning and have a sense of purpose in life. I on the other hand felt that I was doing nothing with my life. 

My husband would often say to me, "you know you are enough and you don’t have anything to prove to anyone" yet I felt empty. Whenever we would go to a social gathering and people ask me what I was doing, I would be at a loss for words and say, "nothing at the moment- just enjoying motherhood".I have also been asked in the past how I spend all my time at home and don’t I get bored? Absolutely the house just cleans itself magically while I sprawl in bed the whole day!

Friends of mine who work often complain about how difficult it is for them as relatives and friends are always making them feel guilty about how their child is constantly sick because their work is a priority. What a cruel thing to say? Children do fall sick, that’s how they build their immunity!- If you take leave from work, to take care of your sick child, – that’s glared upon as well. It is a big conundrum for us women, what to do? What not to do?

So, on days I felt upset and down and out and my son would be at school, I would take the opportunity to write. It was the greatest release for me to pen down my thoughts. Writing is what I felt gave me the courage to move on and carry out all my roles no matter what people would say. We women need to support each other and lift each other up whether at work or at home. 

When I started telling my near and dear ones that I was writing a book on first time mothers- , some of them were very appreciative of my efforts - But since I hadn’t written anything in my life before, a lot of them would mock me and say “so when is your book getting published?” -But I would take all of this in my stride. It doesn’t matter what people think. 

Happiness comes from within and not from around you. Let’s empower each other to do great things. No matter if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. We are all in it together. And some days may seem especially hard to get through, but to be honest when I am with my son what other people say doesn’t matter because i know I am raising this being to the best of my capabilities. I am teaching him to be the best version of himself and to be kind and loving to everyone around him. Don’t get disheartened because- all you women out there are doing a great job. Ignore all the negativity and embrace positivity.

 There are times I tell my husband that people don't value me because I am not currently contributing financially to the family. But he says to me – you are a mother, a wife , a daughter, a daughter in-law, an accountant , a cook, a teacher and a home - maker all in one. You never get tired and never have a day off and no money in the world can justify the impact you make in this world.

Not one drop of my self- worth depends on your acceptance of me – Quincy Jones.