How to help your child develop optimal emotional intelligence?

As parents we want to ensure that our kid's development is holistic in nature and beneficial for them in the long run . But our focus is often on the tangible aspects of development which can be quantified like the physical development i.e they are eating healthy and getting the right amount of physical exercise in order to have a healthy body or cerebral development i.e we are challenging their minds so that they gain knowledge and hone their intelligence so that they get good grades and move on to achieve their professional goals.

But we often neglect the emotional areas of development i.e emotional quotient which is often as important or even more important than intelligence quotient. The emotional intelligence helps children use the skills acquired by him or her in an appropriate way which would help them to be successful in whichever arena they enter.

 Emotional intelligence is the appropriate attitude or mindset that a child needs to develop in order to be successful. Studies have shown that all successful people score higher on emotional quotient rather than intelligence quotient. Emotional intelligence encompasses awareness, understanding and the ability to express and manage one's emotions. If you look at the Indian Cricket Captain ,Virat Kohli, he converts his skill and aggression into great performance , i.e he has a high emotional quotient. He doesn't buckle under pressure, he is truly resilient. That is what sets him apart from other players.

When individuals run high on emotions they often do and say things which they wouldn't in a normal circumstance. Children under the age of 10 lack that emotional maturity. They are unable to self regulate their emotions, but as they grow older their capacity to handle any form of external stimuli improves.There are two important components to emotional intelligence - self regulation and developing a moral compass.

There are 3 easy ways by which you can help your child develop emotional self regulation:

a) Listening to your child and respecting the emotions of your child:

Don't be judgmental, scold or get an irritated look on your face. Your child will feel that you are belittling his or her feelings. Try and respect your child's emotions and understand the trigger. Don't ignore your child's tantrum like "this shall also pass". Empathize with them.

b) Helping your child label their emotions and express their emotions: 

Most young children can't differentiate between their emotions, whether they are angry, anxious or sad. Help them identify their emotions. Don't stop a child from concealing their emotions if they feel like crying let them cry. Don't let their emotions remain stuck inside , let them find a healthy outlet. Explain to them why they are feeling that way? When we let our children express the way they feel , we heal their minds, we help them trust their own emotional process so that they can self regulate their emotions when they get older without tantrums or repression.

c) Help your child find a solution to the problem and how to deal with the emotion:

We have to teach our children to be emotionally resilient to situations. Children who are emotionally resilient aren't  easily distracted and are more focused. Teach your child to channelize their negativity into positivity. Don't start explaining how to handle emotions when your child is emotionally charged , let them cool off. Teach them how to regulate their breathing during an stressful situations. For example, if you had plans to take your child to the amusement park but for some reason you are unable to do so, tell your child -" I understand you really wanted to go and you are upset that we can't go but we will surely go soon. Right now we can think of something fun to do together, so can I please see your gorgeous smile or has the little monkey eaten it?." You have respected the child's feelings and helped him or her find a solution. 

Emotional self regulation is not only important for your child to become successful but it is also important to handle a crisis situation. We need to tell our children we don't always succeed in life, but we don't stop doing what we are supposed to, we need to learn to accept defeat but continue being perseverant to achieve our goals. The owner of Alibaba, Jack Ma said that he failed getting into Harvard ten times but he still didn't give up, 30 people applied for KFC but he was the only one who didn't get through, but he didn't stop trying.

There are so many children who succumb to various pressures in their lives whether it is academic pressure or peer pressure. The suicide and depression rates in teens and young adults have increased tremendously and it is very disturbing. 

Now coming the second component which is developing your child's moral compass. This is extremely important as well.

a) Teaching your child right from wrong even if it involves not being successful in one's goal. Not using wrong means to achieve a goal.

b) Teaching your child interdependence rather than independence. Your child should be able to take care of himself or herself, but we live in a community and we need to teach our children how to work as team at home and at the workplace.

c) Teach your child to be honest and honor commitment.

d) Tell your child that there are no shortcuts in life. Everything requires hard work and perseverance.

e) Teach them to be patient and take on responsibility.

f) Teach them to be compassionate and have the ability to forgive. They should not hold on grudges but let go.

High emotional quotient is directly proportional to happiness quotient.